Updated:2006-04-26 09:49:58
Black Men and Child Support
Should Men Be Able to Opt Out of Parenthood?
By Angela Bronner, AOL Black Voices

Diddy Pays Child Support Too

Sean Diddy Combs and son JustinKevin Mazur, Getty Images

Sean "Diddy" Combs and son Justin at the GRAMMY Awards, New York, 2003. Combs was ordered to pay Justin's mom, Misa Hylton-Brim, $35,000 in monthly child support.

    Back to Black Voices Lifestyle

    In April 2004, music and fashion mogul Sean "Diddy'' Combs was ordered to pay the mother of his first child, Misa Hylton-Brim, just under $35,000 per month in child support -- the largest amount awarded in New York state history.

    Combs and his lawyers eventually had the sum reduced to $21,782. But even that cut rate made his royal Diddy-ness the poster papa for men who feel child support awards are becoming increasingly unfair to fathers.

    "A court doesn't tell me what to do to support my child," a heated Combs said to the NY Daily News after the verdict. "This is not about child support, it's about adult support."

    Though most men are nowhere in the financial stratosphere of Combs, child support today is as volatile an issue to brothers in barber shops as it is to Bobby Brown. Many men feel as if they are being entrapped, stigmatized and even criminalized, when it comes to current child support laws. And many black women want their children supported. But because nearly 70 percent of black children are born out of wedlock, there needs to be a happy medium if the community is to thrive.

    Your Voice

    Whereas in the past, child support was seen as more a moral issue -- men who make children should always be responsible for them -- it is now more about economics, even if it's not politically correct to say so. After President Bill Clinton's welfare reform bill, the government (and tax payers) began aggressively shifting the burden of support to fathers, where many claim it should be.

    Yet, in a recent New York Times article on the perilous state of black men ('Plight Deepens for Black Men, Studies Warn,' March 20, 2006), Georgetown University economist Harry J. Holzer said that after incarceration, "the stricter enforcement of child support" policies is the largest factor in keeping young black men tethered to poverty. By keeping young black men overwhelmed by debt and therefore outside of legal employment, support obligations "amount to a tax on earnings."

    You Said It!

    morediva said:

    I'm torn on the situation actually.....I can see the male point of view....but I'm not sure how to exactly make it more equitable.

    Christian Wilder, a writer from Philadelphia, PA, agrees. Wilder currently has custody of his 10-year-old son, and pays child support for his two daughters (ages 3 and 7), whom he says he rarely sees. An avid advocate of family court reform, Wilder believes that the ways the current laws are structured, that a man in essence can never have another family because he is already supporting one through child support.

    "When you're married, you're committed to a family," says Wilder. "When you have sex with someone you've met in a club, you haven't committed to a thing."

    "While a woman has all of those options of keeping the child and raising it, a man can only just follow the whim of the woman," he continues. "And when a woman has a child, the man becomes financially responsible."

    2006-03-07 10:20:45
    Updated:2006-04-19 09:33:10
    Black Men and Child Support
    Should Men Be Able to Opt Out of Parenthood?
    Page 2 of 2
    By Angela Bronner, AOL Black Voices

    Black Man Broke?

    Out of MoneyGetty Images

    According to Georgetown University economist and author Harry J. Holzer, stricter enforcement of child support has forced many black men into poverty.

      Back to Black Voices Lifestyle

      Wilder advocates that when a man is married to a woman and they separate or divorce, that support obligations should be at their current rate which in some states is about 17 percent of a man's earnings. However, as is the case in Australia, if two people are not married, the rate of obligation decreases to about 8 to 10 percent of the father's income.

      "If there wasn't a guarantee of financial support, a lot of these babies wouldn't even be born," argues Wilder. "There are people who can't afford babies, but they go ahead. Getting him for child support, then he can't support his own family. There shouldn't be a guarantee."

      In a recently filed lawsuit in a Michigan Court, 25-year-old Matt Dubay is fighting a court order to pay child support to his ex-girlfriend because he said he was clear from the beginning that he didn't want a child. Dubay was ordered to pay $500 a month to a daughter born last year, although his girlfriend repeatedly told him she could not get pregnant.

      Your Voice

      The National Center for Men brought the case on behalf of Dubay, and dubbed the case the "Male Roe vs. Wade." NCM argues that the present policies do not give men equal protection under the law. Mel Feit, founder and director of New York-based organization, asks why women have seemingly endless choices when it comes to dealing with pregnancy -- from birth control to adoption to abortion to abandonment (which is legal in most states), while men are limited to condom usage or celibacy.

      "I think that the whole point of Roe is that celibacy shouldn't be the only way to exercise birth control and reproductive choice," says Feit. "That's exactly what Roe means for women."

      Feit actually advocates a short (maybe 1-2 weeks) opt-out period, where the man can tell the woman that he does not want responsibility for the child. He then would have no obligation of support for the child but couldn't later change his mind and be in the child's life.

      Though most scholars and legal experts don't think this case has a snowball's chance in hell, Dubay has said that he wants to get the dialogue started, and Feit, possibly facetiously says he wouldn't have brought the case forward if he thought they couldn't prevail.

      Leslie Sorkhe, Director of Operations for ACES, the Association for Children for Enforcement of Support says the Dubay suit has no merit, legally or morally. "We feel that the suit is ridiculous, and we feel like children deserve emotional and financial support from both parents," she says. "Children are entitled to equal protection under the law."

      You Said It!

      ce_me_flow said:

      I can't help but wonder how some women's behavior would change if they knew they could not get a check for the next 18 years solely because they 'happened' to get pregnant.

      In terms of black men specifically, Wilder says that current system just increases criminalization.

      "Now, you're a criminal," says Wilder, speaking of existing court policies. "They're garnishing your paycheck. You're embarrassed throughout your life. Now there's a letter coming down to your job. You can't go to jail for any other monetary debt. There's no debtors jail in this country unless it's child support. They take your driver's license away, it's on your credit report, imputing income that you don't have. This stuff happens every day."

      "If you have sex without a condom, the punishment shouldn't be that you live at the poverty level for 20 years," Wilder continues. "The bottom line is that it changes your life too much for you to not have a choice."

      2006-03-07 10:20:45

      Here's a radical idea! Why don't we be a little more careful about the women we choose to lay down with. We give this lecture all the time to our women when they make bad choices when, in fact, many of the bad choices are, ironically, us.


      I know child support is expensive and it sucks. But the fact is our kids still rely on this support. When my parents divorced back in the day, my father was one of those who found himself in arrears all the time. This man made $60,000 a year in the 70's and 80's and still found it difficult to pay 150.00 a month in total child support for 3 kids. That's 50.00 per month per child for all of you math whizzes out there.


      Many of his arguments were the same: "she only wants the check", "I can't see them, so why should I pay" etc. etc. While I have no reason to doubt the stories that single fathers tell, I know it wasn't true in my case. My mother worked HARD, believe that. Yet, and still, it was tough for us. That said, I have no doubt some of us are lying because I've been there.


      The women out there today are a completely different animal from the ones from generations past. Some of these women are, themselves, products of relationships that have gone bad and they had to watch and overhear their parents engage in the same kind of pissing contest that they find themselves in. They get into relationships that they are emotionally, intellectually, and socially ill-equipped to get into, with men who are emotionally, intellectually, and socially ill-equipped.


      Nevertheless, child support is non-negotiable regardless of the nature of the relationship you had with your ex. Those kids had no say in whom they were born to. They had nothing to do with what went wrong in the relationship. They never get a say as to if and when your relationship ends. So why should they have to bear the brunt of the consequences? They shouldn't.


      As for custody, it is mind boggling that two adults, who were agreeable enough to sleep together, can't be agreeable enough to negotiate issues of custody and child support without the help of the courts. This is absolutely absurd to me. But, then again, we are talking about people who may or may not be fit enough to have relationships and kids in the first place. I am married and have a little girl. My wife and I have had frank discussions about custody and child support if the worst happens. We've even written our agreement by hand and stored it in a safe deposit box. If I can really call myself a man, I'll honor it. If she really calls herself a woman, then she'll honor it as well. But it's much more than that! There is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for my little girl. So if I were ever in the unenviable position of having to deal with custody and child support. The only person that woud be on my mind is my little girl. Perhaps if we all shifted the focus away from us to our children, all of the other nonsense would be overcome.


      It is frightening to me that another 'Black' man fails to comprehend the reality of this issue on child support...


      As a dad I have tried everything humanly possible to reason with the courts and my sons mother...


      My life stopped some fifteen years ago when my son was born...


      I have stood aganist all hell for my second son as well...


      the issue is not about 'money'...


      its about children needing their father!  


      Because some men fail to comprehend, have not weathered the wicked corrupt courts.. perhaps had a more reasonable woman who did not do the foul things the mother of my sons have... they assume... honest sincere innocent fathers are liars... and the system can't be all that rotten...


      wrong... its all that horrible and much worse... there are not words to explain... and its too much, far too much evil to wish on another simply for another to come to reasonable understanding of the reality...


      its also odd that a person would support 'boycotting business..' with no accountability for all the court fees... reporter costs... appeals cost... evaluations costs... and many more expenses attorneys, judges and others rip the public off of... wasting billions of tax dollars... its our Black Reparations... being stolen.. again and again with every court case... be it dependency court, juvenile court, family court, criminal court, etc.  


      No... the classic whitewash programming... blame 'DAD' the man... thats the biggest lesson most children raised by single moms have learned... blame Daddy.. the big bad wolf because the white racist courts say 'blame dad'... and 'dad is the liar'... come on everyone knows.. mom... wow!  she's virgin mary... she works hard... and always needs dad's money... on top of whatever she makes... its a crime for dad to need mom's money... and a worse crime for dad to demand... I pay.. I get the custody!!! and it would make him america's worse criminal to state:  I am a parent... not a slave to the state and the mother... I am not a paycheck... I am parent with emotions... with love... with a parental role...


      shut your mouth... that's what the court shouts... apologize to mom...

      'deputy'  but that ...that... thing... out of my courtroom.. how dare he claim that he has the right of equal rights as a parent... when we have pronounced legal death to all dads a equal parents to virgin moms... you rapist... how dare you violate our white property of any female... she's ours to rule... and she is to rule you and your children... deputy.. put him out... and for that...

      am I allowed to increase his child support?? no... hummm.. well I will cut off his visits... teach him... who's children he's are... and brand him... so others will say... or believe... he's a liar... Mom... you get sole legal and physical custody, restraining orders... child support... and full protection, freedom and authority to rear your property, the children anyway you see fit.. .and if that

      rapist so-called ex-husband of your... dare to try and be a father.. a real parent... call 911 immediately... here's your certified copy of restraining orders... let's see how much of a man he will be now... i spit in his face.. dad... he will never be what I am... only a white judge or person employed and carry out the wishes of this racist system can ever be a fit dad... a man who knows his place.. is to empower the woman over the man... who knows they are not to mention themselves... not to court.. to only 'love' their child by giving what we demand and require of them to give them... which ain't love, time or parenting... as I hate other men... so a true man, who deserve custody.. must also hate other men.. and call them liars.. and brag that they are better because they really do for their little girl...   when we have reduced the man's mind so its fried and utterly useless, except as a humble fool to worship our irrational orders... decisions and ruling... we will approve of them... for as son or hubbie they will worship you and hate the real man who advocates and defends his parental rights and freedom to be more than what we desire to whitewash him and his children to be...


      by the way... the right as a child molesting mom to move your child to any new school to cover up your molesting.. is granted... just play the game and don't make me look like a fool... get with a man... give sex up sometimes... dupe others to believe its.. him and not us...  


      I know of a good motel... you can take vacation at... the State just housed a bunch of child molesters there... you will be in good company...


      I know, you don't need to thank me... your children are our future child molesters.. and we will go out of business if we don't keep making orders to be sure you crazy super moms who don't need or want a man or father have all the domination over your children... dad would mess up our profession. Now go unite with your sisters... in confidence.. men... will always blame other men.. and come to your defense... rest comfortably in you lies.


      You drive home my point. While the kids didn't select their mother, YOU did. That's the point! Be careful with whom you choose to sleep with. Had you been a little more careful with that selection, you wouldn't be crying every other post about how the courts, and your children's mother, are screwing you.


      If anything, I do understand the realities of child support and warring parents because I got a front row seat watching my own parents square off. We never had issues with visitation because my father never wanted to exercise his rights in that regard. There are many children who, weekend after weekend, wait on the porch for a father who promised to pick them up but never show up. I know because I was one of those kids. There are plenty of mothers who have enough since not to speak ill of their children's father because they know that child's identity is interwoven with him. I know this as well because I had a mother like that.


      For this, and other reasons, the courts are necessary sometimes. That's not to say that there aren't lousy mothers out there. All one has to do is look at our criminal justice system to affirm that claim. But, again I say, quit belly-aching about how bad you have it. Instead, you'd be better off paying your support and reahing out to your child after they are of legal age or until you and the child's mother can be mature enough to be civil. Believe me, it will be a more difficult task to build a relationship with your offspring when they become aware that you weren't there for them, whatever the reason. 


      And I love the father that walked away from his son many years ago to come back and find his son is no longer here.


      While I know there are plenty of broken down mothers not doing their motherly duty, there are far toooo many brothas stepping to the plate.


      My father, drove corvettes, chased women and smoked his weed.  He could do all of this because he did not take care of his children.


      There was no excuse for him to make sure my brother and I were taken care of.  Then to find out there was another child whom he never did a thing for.


      Men stop your excuses.  I am sick of it.  One problem I had with my mother regarding my father - you chose this man, I didn't.  Men stop chosing these women............protect yourselves.  Stop bringing children into this world that you dont need and those that dont need you.


      The two of your Nappy and Bomb.. fail to connect.

      Yes, I share to the world the horrible experience I have suffered in this family case...

      What do you understand of it??


      YOU think I need to mature.. (as you must place blame on both parents.. you're trained and whitewashed to do that...) wrong!

      The mother was 'trained, raised, and decided to be the monster she is and was...

      She set me up...

      Pretended well to be 'someone' else...

      drilled my family members.. then moved in on her selected sperm bank.. knowing how to play the role...

      no FBI, LAPD, or other systematic process could have educated me of the truth of her...

      her scheme:

      get pregnant and live off the welfare for myself.. to do this... must have sole legal and physical custody...

      WAKE UP!!!

      When Blacks tire of 'blaming' a conscious brother like myself.. who constantly give solutions.. who did not walk out on his sons, nor agree to dance to the corrupt family court enslavement...

      we will overcome...


      Blacks choose to blame the victims... and tell the victim shut up and accept responsibility that does not belong to us...

      the mother is a monster...

      One can not mature to work it out with an irrational monster... regardless to race, color or greed..

      the mother had an agenda... knowing the system is racist and gender bias...

      she had previous experience and was coached freely by attorneys, male and female, who profits from the status quo racist system..

      A man is a man.. by laws of nature...

      and knowing this politics manipulates the process.

      eventually the man will get with a woman.. so...

      we will corrupt the minds of most, or all women, when and to the degree possible...

      when men claim freedom... there will be none..

      we, the racist corrupt system of greed and domination, will program men to hate each other, blame each other, and ignore each other.. so men will end up supporting us... being neutral not to side with other men and not deny the real negative affects of the single mother era...  

      I wish the solution was

      a. not to complain

      b. me to mature

      c. me to be accountable and pay money until my sons get of age...



      By the time children get of age.. through child support... they are materialistic, imitating moms female personality and habits, hating dad, confused by all mom's boyfriends drafted for the night, week or year to be their stepdads,  trained to hate, reject, resist, and play others.. for selfish reasons...



      because you do not want to hear from the inside the Truth does not remove my obligation to speak the truth.. again.. I have evidence proving my case.. proving the system is a horrible as I report and the mother the monster.. made from the mold of racism and slavery... by the worse monster of human species...  it is with the experiences I can offer sound solutons and insights... and that is why I can conclude...

      ITS PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO MAKE THE 'NEW MONSTERS'...  by missing the solutions to have a Black Government wherein we have effective conflict resolution, family standards.. and rightly divide who is actually at fault... not blame the victims... One officer stated my one year old son violated the mother... when she had him do oral sex on her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    What more need I say!  Nothing humanly I can do.. to stop such insane foolish beliefs and claims... and Blacks skip always back to... well you picked her... no... I picked a person who does not exist... she pretended to be someone else... she roleplayed to dupe me.. and being a man, who wanted a family.. yes, I believed her lies... I in good faith.. engaged to be a Family... my conscious is clear... and I have no guilt... I am proud as a father... my sons know I have acted to make things right... as Marcus Garvey complained so do I... its Black people.. who failed to support the real solutions.. that I must most blame.. Blacks who instead.. reject the solutions I offer.. and divide us.. with their denial.. etc... Knowing Blacks remain the same... Knowing whites have no intention of changing... Whites know they can depend on another Black man to be ignored when he could easy had obtained custody had Blacks not suggested he bow to the corrupt system or pretend he should be deprived of custody to make sure the mother can get support, new furniture from DCFS, and welfare..  When I complained to the State Appeals for approving Riverside Sheriff Deputies to get away with participating in raping as a fellow deputy raped his own daughter..  When I complained of a LAPD officer who molested children in a LAPD program.. When I complained of a DCFS social worker who reported child abuse was a cultural conduct in a family... and I complained.. of children raped, molested, violated, abused, in McClaren Hall.. where were Black???  I was alone... and it does not take genius to understand... the word 'retaliation'... to my lawsuits and my actions to defend and protect our children, to end child abuse..   which seems not to be Blacks interest... like making money...  Nappy... all I know is .. I have been there for my sons to the degree possible.. Bomb.. I disagree.. no parent should ever buy their children out of DCFS slavery... all Blacks must stand to abolish family court slavery for the destructin of our family, thus our race.


      Child Support Idiocy, NY Shared Parenting Fallout, Father Ends Hunger Strike

      May 3, 2006

      Glenn to Debate Gloria Allred over SB 1482 on KABC in Los Angeles

      I will be debating Gloria Allred over SB 1482 on the Al Rantel Show on KABC AM 790 in Los Angeles on Wednesday, May 3 at 7 PM PST. The call-in number is 1-800-222-KABC. You can listen live via the Internet here. SB 1482, which will be heard by the California Senate Judiciary Committee on May 9, will make it easier for custodial parents to move children far away from noncustodial parents.

      Kansas Child Support Idiocy

      The Kansas legislature has just passed a bill under which parents falling behind in their court-ordered child support payments by a whopping $500 could find their driving severely restricted. The bill went to Kansas Governor Gov. Kathleen Sebelius yesterday. According to the Associated Press' State: Pay child support or be a restricted driver:

      "The House voted 108-14 on the measure worked out by negotiators from the two chambers. Last week, the Senate approved it 36-4. Sebelius is expected to sign the bill.

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      "The bill still says those owing more than $500 in child support would be targeted by the Department of Social and Rehabilitation Services to have their licenses restricted until the debt is paid or until parents make arrangements to pay what's owed.

      "As passed by the House, the bill would have resulted in a license being revoked, but the Senate changed that to allow parents to have a restricted license for such things as going to work or school, medical emergencies, and taking children to and from school.

      "'If they have a job, we want them to go to work so they can pay what they owe,' said Rep. Mike O'Neal, R-Hutchinson, his chamber's lead negotiator on the bill.

      "Most child support payments in Kansas go through SRS to the parent primarily responsible for the child's care. SRS says the bill would mean an additional $200,000 in child support collections."

      I criticized this legislation in my co-authored column Kansas License Bill Unfair to Noncustodial Parents (Wichita Eagle, 3/8/06). Family law attorney Jeff Leving and I wrote:

      "While such measures always make for good sound bites and electoral politics, they make poor public policy. That's because the vast majority of those behind on child support are low-income parents who have been saddled with artificially inflated paper arrearages that they couldn't possibly pay...

      "Perhaps this is why while DSRS recently announced that their top five deadbeats owe an average of $225,000 in back child support, they have refused to disclose these individuals' occupations. The pot of child support gold which DSRS Secretary Gary Daniels professes he'll find if he gets 'the [enforcement] tools that some other states have' simply does not exist...

      "HB 2706's $500 arrearage limit is particularly misguided and destructive. A Kansas father of three who earns a pre-tax income of $3,850 a month pays about $1,050 a month in child support.  If he is out of work for even a brief period, HB 2706's punitive measures could impede his ability to earn a living, sending him into a downward spiral of arrearages and debt...

      "Daniels says a crackdown is needed because only 54 percent of Kansas children who are owed support receive their full shares. However, DSRS is already able to get drivers' licenses suspended through contempt of court proceedings. The real problem is that the vast majority of the child support debt is simply uncollectible. Instead of enacting new draconian measures, the legislature should instead mandate that DSRS focus its enforcement efforts on true scofflaws with real arrearages instead of hard luck parents with counterfeit ones."

      Ironic, too, that this comes right now, just as neighboring Missouri has publicly revealed that it made a gross error in the tragic Chalmers case, and is now conducting a larger review of its system. See my entry "I Couldn't Be Less Surprised" below for more information.

      On a positive note, I suppose I should commend the Kansas Senate for at least having the common sense to make provisions to allow "deadbeats" to drive to work and back.

      The American Coalition for Fathers and Children
      The American Coalition for Fathers and Children is dedicated to creating a family law system which promotes equal rights for all parties affected by divorce.  Contact the ACFC at 1-800-978-3237 or visit them on the web at

      Parenting Plan Calendar Software
      Shared Ground (R) is an easy-to-use custody calendar software program designed for divorced families to track visitation schedules. Includes a built-in percentage calculator, schedule templates, free training and excellent customer assistance. Parents, attorneys, arbitrators and mediators can generate equitable parenting plans, which is especially useful for parents seeking fair division of their children's time. FREE TRIAL SOFTWARE AVAILABLE by clicking here.

      Albany Times Union
      Editorial Cartoonist Blasts NY Assembly Committee for Opposing A330

      Well said...

      If for some reason the above cartoon doesn't load, you can view it on the Times Union's website here.

      The Second Wives Club
      The Second Wives Club is what women in blended families are looking for: Remarriage, divorce, child custody, and step parenting discussed in a solution-oriented, mature, and intelligent way; articles and news written by thought-provoking experts and journalists; personal accounts and advice from some of life's most interesting women.

      Help for Boston Dads
      Boston family law attorney Nick Palermo is a shared custody advocate who believes that divorced dads are parents, not visitors. The Law Offices of Nicholas Palermo is a dedicated and committed trial law firm which has worked to make shared custody for all fit parents the law of the land.

      Dad Gets His Daughters Back After Mom Abducts Them

      The article Dad, kids Poland-bound after rulings (Chicago Tribune, 4/26/06) discusses an international abduction case in which a divorcing Polish mother abducted her two daughters to the United States, disappearing with the girls without even telling the dad. I hear of these nightmarish cases all the time and it seems that, regardless of what the law says, it is difficult for dads to win. In this case, family law attorney Jeff Leving scored a big victory, getting the dad his kids back and righting the wrong.  According to the Tribune:

      "A Polish man, whose daughters disappeared and were found to be living in the Chicago area with their mother since last year, took the girls back to his country on Tuesday after a series of legal victories.

      "Janusz Adamczyk, 39, was reunited with his daughters at a Bedford Park school Monday afternoon. He had been trying to return Gabriela, 8, and Adrianna, 10, to Poland since June, when he learned his wife brought the girls here.

      "'It took me a lot of time and effort but finally it seems I'm successful,' he said before he and the girls boarded a plane. 'I did this for my kids, not for myself or to prove anything. I know this is what they need.'

      "He acknowledged it would take time for the girls to adjust, 'but they need their mother to give them support.'

      "A weeping Beata Adamczyk, their mother, said in a phone interview that she was en route to O'Hare International Airport in hopes of seeing her daughters because they were taken from school and she didn't get to say goodbye.

      "'I know I broke the law, but I thought I was doing the best for the kids,' she said. 'In Poland there is no future for the kids. I'm just so upset.'

      "The Adamczyks had been involved in an international custody battle after separating last year. They were in the midst of a divorce in Poland when Beata Adamczyk , 37, brought the children to south suburban Summit.

      "Janusz Adamczyk's attorneys said the case highlights how more international abductions are ending up in the U.S. court system.

      "According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, caseloads regarding international parental abductions grew by 69 percent last year. Julia Alanen, director of the international division, said more people are learning how to reach out for help.

      "'There are no really solid statistics [of how often it occurs] because the majority of these cases go unreported,' she said. 'But the increased ease of international travel and access has made it easier for people to carry on international relationships. You do end up with international parental disputes.'

      "Adamczyk reported his children missing in Poland and was connected to an attorney by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

      "'This decision, it speaks volumes and sends a message to any parent who wants to wrongfully kidnap a child,' said Jeffery M. Leving, whose law firm represented the father. 'This decision communicates that the U.S. will not stand by and support a kidnapper.'

      "Adamczyk said that after he and his wife separated last year, she and the children moved more than 450 miles from his Tarnow, Poland home. When he went to check on them, he learned they were gone.

      "'I didn't even know she was leaving,' he said. 'I didn't know where my kids were at or nothing.'

      "Leving said a private detective found Beata Adamczyk living in the south suburbs with her parents and the children enrolled in a local school.

      "The couple had lived together in Summit before they married, and the girls were born here, court records show.

      "In court, the girls' mother argued that she did not want to live in Poland. The girls told a psychologist they also did not want to go to Poland and that the schools were dirty and had broken windows.

      "But Cook County Judge Barbara Riley said the girls started their education in Poland, were financially supported by their father even after they were abducted, and their mother was wrong to take them without his permission. Riley ordered that the girls be turned over to their father. A petition by the mother to the Illinois Appellate Court was unsuccessful.

      "Beata Adamczyk said she left Poland to offer the girls a better life. She described a marriage in which her husband controlled the finances and refused to leave Poland, even though they were struggling.

      "Leving said future proceedings regarding custody would have to be handled in Poland."


      Leving's Divorce Magazine
      The second edition of Leving's Divorce Magazine, the new magazine for the modern divorced men, is now available online with articles focusing on issues such as men's reproductive rights (or lack thereof), Parental Alienation Syndrome and child support. Visit now and get a free subscription. 

      Help, Resources for Dads
      The National Fathers' Resource Center is a division of Fathers For Equal Rights, Inc. (FER), located in Dallas, Texas, with offices in both Dallas and Houston. In existence for over three decades, it has services and resources for dads nationwide and is one of the largest and most active fathers' rights organizations in the U.S.

      I Couldn't Be Less Surprised

      Last week I discussed the case of Herbert L. Chalmers, a St. Louis man who committed a quadruple murder-suicide (see St. Louis Man Kills 4, Self Over Child Support Dispute). According to the article 'If it was a mistake, it cost the lives of my family' (St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 4/22/06):

      "Did the state make some kind of mistake in calculating Herbert L. Chalmers' child support, possibly sparking a rampage that killed four women--including his children's mother and two members of the family whose business garnisheed his wages?

      "Chalmers made it clear he felt there had been an error, railing about it for months before Tuesday's bloody spree. He complained about it to some survivors of the tragedy before using his last shot on himself...

      "Chalmers told his boss, co-workers and at least one friend that part of his salary was being wrongly withheld.

      "'What set him off was the fact that they were garnisheeing his check,' his co-worker James Lee, 76, said after the shooting stopped. Lee and another co-worker said Chalmers denied being the father of the children.

      "Records indicate that Chalmers had accepted responsibility as father on the birth certificates, but reportedly he claimed later he determined he was not their father...

      "The children are now grown, and the child-support issue involves payments allegedly owed from the past.

      "Charlie Finninger, who with his wife owned Finninger's Catering Service in St. Louis, said Chalmers, a five-year employee, complained several months ago that the garnishment was wrong.

      "'I told him my hands were tied,' Finninger said. 'I told him if the state was wrong, then he should fight it.' Finninger offered Chalmers copies of documents to help make his case...

      "Finninger wondered aloud Friday whether Chalmers had been right about an error. 'If it was a mistake, it cost the lives of my family.'

      "...[Chalmers said] he couldn't survive on $200 every two weeks and was going to kill the people who had made him suffer...

      "It appears that Chalmers' withholding for child support had almost doubled over three years..."

      I couldn't be less surprised to report that---brace yourself--child support enforcement had made an error, and was charging the guy five times what he actually owed. According to the News-Tribune:

      "A clerical error caused the state to assess a man who went on a shooting rampage last week five times more per month in child support than he actually owed, state officials acknowledged...

      "An error in data entry, made when more than 400,000 child support files were converted to a new computer database in 1998, increased Chalmers' monthly child support more than fivefold, said Deborah Scott, spokeswoman for the Missouri Department of Social Services.

      "But Scott also stressed that Chalmers had many opportunities to correct the error since 1998."After Chalmers, 54, contacted the department once this year about the amount he owed, an employee tried five times to contact him without success, she said.

      "On April 18, when Chalmers went on his rampage, the department was garnisheeing 50 percent of his paycheck - the state's top limit - for back support, Scott said..."In 1997, Chalmers was supposed to be paying $133 per month in current child support and owed $724.92 in back support.

      "Records, including Chalmers' file, were converted into the Missouri Automated Child Support System in 1998. Scott said the department knew there were some problems with the conversion, and said workers made "significant attempts" to ensure accuracy.

      "At some point, a worker spotted the $724.92 back child support figure for Chalmers and entered it as the amount he was to pay per month for current child support, Scott said."

      The child support system is rife with these types of mistakes. Common agency errors include: mathematical errors; failure to record or transfer records of payments; billing men for children they did not father; failing to stop child support when a child reaches the age of emancipation; accepting custodial parents' false reports of nonpayment; and failure to update child support orders with later court rulings affecting modifications. And while the officials quoted in the above article breezily assert that all Chalmers had to do to straighten it out was come in and talk, thousands of people on this e-newsletter list can attest that straightening out child support errors is vastly more difficult than that, and sometimes is impossible. As I noted in my co-authored column Federal Child Support Enforcement Cuts Will Hurt Bureaucrats, not Children (Las Vegas Review-Journal, 12/17/05):

      "Child support enforcement agencies are notorious for their abusive tactics towards such men, as well as their mind-numbing incompetence, waste, and the incessant computer errors which lead to the persecution of innocent citizens...For too long child support policies have been determined by politics instead of common sense; the mantra of 'help women and children' has allowed large-scale abuses and waste to go unchallenged."

      What Chalmers did was absolutely unforgivable under any circumstances. However, given the number of these stories I hear, it's not surprising that once in a while there's a guy who's going to react this way.
      Help for Men Struggling with Relationships, Depression, Anger or Anxiety
      The Men's Center Los Angeles offers individual, couple, family and group counseling with a focus on men's issues. Call them at (818) 348-9302 or go to 
      Concerned about Financial Issues in Your Divorce?
      If you're concerned about financial issues in your divorce, contact Jim DiGabriele of DiGabriele, McNulty & Co by email here or at 973-243-2600.

      Anti-Father Feminist Trish Wilson Corrects Her Error

      For a decade feminist blogger Trish Wilson has specialized in tracking and attacking the fatherhood movement. In the wake of the vote on the New York shared parenting bill, she and other feminists have been enjoying some Sacks-bashing, and are attempting to portray me as a sore loser. Wilson even claimed that I am "currently instructing fathers' rights activists to continue to write to the committee members to complain about not passing this bill."

      However, what I actually wrote was "The Assembly members voting in favor of the bill were Ruben Diaz Jr., Karim Camara, Michael Benjamin and Vincent Ignizio. I suggest you send them an email thanking them for their support by clicking here." It's in my last newsletter here, and it still seems like a reasonable idea to me.

      I was disappointed by the error--Trish and her colleagues spend so much time attacking me that I thought they were careful and dedicated Glenn Sacks readers. Apparently not. I wrote to Trish and pointed out the error. She squawked a little but, to her credit, admitted her error and wrote the list later to correct it.

      Trish Wilson Doth Protest Too Much

      I found out about Trish's above claims when one of my readers forwarded me an email from a feminist group. (It is common for members of the Sackson Horde to forward me things of interest from various websites, egroups, chatrooms, etc.) Trish was very upset about this, and later wrote the following to the egroup:

      "Somehow Glenn Sacks was given an e-mail that I wrote to this list. I am unsubscribing. This list is no longer safe. Who sent my message to this list to him? I'm very disappointed with this list. I won't participate anymore if my e-mails are being forwarded to fathers' rights activists...I am going to unsubscribe. I don't feel safe here."

      What's ironic about this is that many years ago Trish began her anti-father activism by lurking in fathers' rights egroups and email lists and then posting the emails on her website. Trish, you really protest too much...

      Trish Wilson Generously Allows That Sometimes Joint Custody Is OK

      Trish is a dedicated opponent of shared parenting and joint custody. However, in a recent posting on her website she generously allowed that there are times when joint custody is OK. Trish writes:

      "Joint custody/shared parenting has been shown to work only under specific circumstances. The characteristics in families where joint custody/shared parenting has worked are these: the parents had an amicable divorce, they had higher-than-average education levels, they had higher-than-average incomes, they had only one child, they lived close to each other, they were able to communicate and work together for their own sake and the sake of their child, their child could handle the joint custody/shared parenting schedule, and the parents chose of their own free will to try joint custody/shared parenting with the intention of making it work."

      This would throw the gate wide open for shared parenting for all of about 2% of divorcing couples. Thanks, Trish!

      Trish also reports:

      "Dr. Judith Wallerstein found that in cases where judges ordered joint custody/shared parenting to force warring parents to get along, that 'three and one-half years after separation, these couples were experiencing considerably more conflict and less co-operative parenting than were couples for whom joint custody was the first choice of each parent.'"

      This sounds impressive at first reading, but in reality it is almost meaningless. She doesn't say there's too much conflict in court ordered joint custody arrangements--she says there's more than with "couples for whom joint custody was the first choice of each parent." It is to be expected that joint custody will be smoother in couples who both originally opted for it, as opposed to couples where one parent tried to push the other parent to the margins of the children's lives but later had to "settle" for joint custody. It would be far more meaningful to compare the level of conflict between joint custody and sole custody settings. In my co-authored column A330 Would Help New York's Children of Divorce (Albany Times-Union, 3/28/06),  the ACFC's Mike McCormick and I noted:

      "The New York Chapter of the National Organization for Women, the New York-based National Coalition for Family Justice, and other misguided women's advocates oppose A330 in part because they believe that joint custody is unworkable when there has been conflict between divorcing parents. Research indicates that these fears are unwarranted.

      "According to a study in the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, over time joint custody serves to help reduce conflict between divorced spouses. When Texas Woman's University conducted a study of the effects of post-divorce discord on children aged 8 to 12, they found that joint custody does not expose children to greater parental conflict. Psychologist Robert Bauserman's research (a meta-analysis published in the American Psychological Association's Journal of Family Psychology) also found that divorced couples with joint custody report less conflict than those in sole-custody settings."

      The most annoying part of this argument is the contention by Trish and other feminists that mothers shouldn't have to be "forced" into joint custody arrangements with their exes. This presupposes that the kids really only belong to mom, and courts are unfairly "forcing" mom to share the kids with dad. Moms and dads should appear before the court as absolute equals.

      If one switches the genders and looks at families where the father is the primary caregiver (and thus the one to presumably gain sole custody), this feminist presumption looks pretty ugly. I switched the genders in my column California NOW Takes Stand Against Working Mothers (Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 2/23/04). Two years later I still have never heard a reasonable feminist rejoinder to the argument I laid out in that column.

      Dad's Time Tracker - Get More Time With Your Children and Manage Your Child Support
      Dad's Time Tracker helps divorced fathers collect the information necessary to get more parenting time, lower their child support, or gain custody of their children. This guide walks fathers through creating a child support payment record and thorough tracking of expenses made on behalf of the children.  Co-parenting can be dramatically improved when utilizing this tool because key "friction" areas--expenses, medical issues, contacts, day care information, parenting time--are addressed in advance.

      Father: A Child's Right
      Visit to find information about child custody issues related to fathers and their children's rights, as well as book reviews on parenting, custody and divorce. A fun and exciting father & son baseball component is added for enjoyment. Buy books, magazines and DVDs for your children. Learn about the Michigan Shared Parenting bill.

      A Victory in Massachusetts

      In 1998, Massachusetts passed a law that forbids all non-custodial parents from obtaining report cards and other school records concerning their children unless they first go to court and obtain certification that they are not batterers. This law's "all fathers are guilty until proven innocent" presumption is an outrage. Last June we reported that Massachusetts father Henry M. Fassler, a member of Fathers and Families, had discovered that the Massachusetts law conflicts with federal law and pressed a complaint at the federal level. 

      As a result, the U.S. Department of Education recently sent a warning to Massachusetts Education Commissioner David P. Driscoll saying "The commonwealth and every school district in Massachusetts is in violation of federal law, and has been for years." The letter also gave Driscoll 30 days to report "on the steps your agency has taken, or will take, to ensure that local districts in Massachusetts comply with [federal] requirements as described in this letter." The issue was discussed in State to seek repeal of access law for noncustodial parents Student record policy at issue (Boston Globe, 5/22/05).

      Last week Fathers and Families of Massachusetts reported another victory:

      "Governor Romney recently signed the report card bill into law, formerly known as SB 2206. Now, almost all non-custodial parents will have the right to receive a broad range of school records concerning their kids, including report cards.

      "With great tenacity, F&F member Hank Fassler dug into the old law, and convinced the feds that the Massachusetts law was inconsistent with federal law. This started the chain of events culminating in yesterday's success. Along the way, F&F successfully fought off determined efforts by domestic violence advocates such as Jane Doe, Inc. and the Massachusetts Law Reform Institute to maintain restrictions against a vast swath of non-custodials. In this, we were helped by the good sense and steadfast support of Representative Patricia Haddad, Senator Robert O'Leary, and Senator Robert Antonioni."

      As a former high school teacher I repeatedly saw the value of fathers' participation in their children's educations. I could teach a class for a few weeks and then have a pretty good idea which kids had fathers in their lives and which ones didn't. I had few discipline problems in my classrooms but when I did I always knew that there was one truly effective way to get an errant boy to change his ways--call his dad at work and explain to him that he needs to leave work and come to the school to talk to me about his son's behavior. It was 100% effective.

      Congratulations to Fathers and Families and Fassler.
      Lisa Scott Launches
      Shared Parenting Advocate/Family Law Attorney Lisa Scott has just launched to expose the truth about what is happening in our family law system. Lisa, the all-time leader in appearances on His Side with Glenn Sacks, says that she was "tired of having her stuff rejected by elitist bar publications and politically-correct newspapers" and decided to start her own website.

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      Update on Canadian Father on Hunger Strike

      Last week I wrote:

      "Canadian father Gerry Nicolas is now on his 9th day of hunger strike in front of the Quebec Provincial Court of Justice in Gatineau. Nicolas has a six year-old boy and a four year-old girl. He only gets every other weekend 'visitation,' and says his ex-wife often interferes or eliminates even that. He says that at one point he went three months without seeing his children because of her interference. The police (of course) refuse to enforce the order.

      "Nicolas also says his children are being alienated from him.  Nicolas is black, his ex-wife is Asian, and Nicolas claims his four year-old daughter told him her mother told her not to kiss him 'because he's black.'

      "Nicolas says he and his ex-wife both earn around $60 or $65 thousand dollars a year, but that he has lost his business and his savings and after his wages are garnisheed he is left with less than $300 a month to live on. He says he has been unable to get a court to resolve these issues, and is on hunger strike to try to force the court to give him a hearing.

      "I called Gerry yesterday, and he seems very sincere and determined. I'm not sure that a hunger strike is the best tactic--I prefer the bridge and rooftop protests of Fathers 4 Justice--but I support him in what he's doing. To contact Gerry and give him encouragement, call him on his cell phone at (819) 921-1877. His email, which his sister is retrieving and printing out for him, is"

      Apparently Nicolas' hunger strike has come to a successful conclusion. According to Canadian activist Jeremy Swanson, "A personal letter from a Quebec Judge hand-delivered to Nicolas by a court official confirmed that the family court had finally granted Nicolas's wish." Nicolas, who is French Canadian,  writes:

      "I'm fine, tired, I lost lots of weight but I'm ok, my hunger strike is now over, because of heath complications, (I was on a very strict hunger strike no food, only 2 liters of water a day) after doctors visit to my tent. I lasted 9 days, in the cold, the rain, the wind, just in front of the court house. I receive satisfaction from the head Chief Justice, and all my revendications [claims] to help dads, in my Province Quebec are in the hands of the Justice Minister. 

      "I received support from fathers all over the world. I receive letters everyday of support from all of you and all theses words was my food during the cold and lonely night of hunger. I wish all of you the best, and like the doctor told, me, you have fight a great battle and achieving lots of visibility for all fathers across the country and the world, dying here will not serve your cause no more, you have to get well and continue the fight now standing up.

      "I will now do just that, continue the struggle for fathers civil right, by standing and walking tall. I won a great battle with my sacrifice and help many people. Thanks to all of you and the fight is not over until victory is in our hands.

      Gerald Nicolas"

      Tree House Solutions 
      Tree House Solutions, LLC is a growing and evolving resource designed to meet the emotional and informational needs of parents who are going through divorce and those already divorced.  Tree House activities are composed of live, real time teleconferences on a weekly basis. These sessions are conducted by two highly experienced mental health practitioners, versed in high conflict divorce. Drs. Bone and Evans offer a wide spectrum of suggestions and education regarding the divorce process and co-parenting with difficult former spouses.

      Are You Really the Father?
      Find out the underlying flaws in the DNA paternity testing system and learn how a man with results in the 90%, 95% or even 99% positive range may not be the father. Learn what most lawyers and judges don't know about paternity testing.

      NY Assemblywoman on NY Shared Parenting Bill: Many Letters in Support, Few Opposed

      New York Assemblymember Deborah J. Glick, who opposes Shared Parenting and who voted against us on A330 last week, sent a revealing letter to Debbie Ecker of Child Support Advocates of NYS.

      "Thanks so much for your email in opposition to the so-called Shared Parenting bill.  While I have seen many letters in support of this legislation from all around the country, my office has received few letters in opposition. (emphasis added)

      "I have been strongly opposed to this bill for the past 15 years.  I don't believe  that it is in the best interest of children to force joint custody on divorcing parents that can't agree on a custody arrangement.

      "For many of the same reasons you raised regarding domestic violence, I feel that it is better for the children if an impartial third party decides upon custody issues.

      "The bill was on the Children and Families Committee agenda on Tuesday, April 25, and was held in Committee by a vote of  12-4.  I was pleased to see that the vote to hold was supported by both Democrat and Republican alike.

      Thank you for your advocacy.
      Deborah J. Glick

      Putting Kids First

      Kirsten Feldman's new Boston Globe column Joint custody works, but it's not easy (4/27/06) is a nice example of a parent putting the children first. It is also a nice example of how adults comport themselves, as opposed to what we often see in family court. Feldman writes:

      "A couple of weeks ago I stood on the playground at my children's school and kissed my daughter goodbye. All around me other parents were doing the same, sending their kids off for a last day of school before break. The only difference was that I wouldn't see or even speak to my children again for 11 days. They were going on vacation to Austria with their father and their stepmother; I was not. I did my best to smile brightly and assure them how much I loved them and hoped they would have a good time. Another mother standing next to me began to cry. She asked me how I could stand it. I left as quickly as I could.

      "My children's father and I separated and then divorced several years ago, when my son was in kindergarten. Next year he'll be starting middle school. It seems like a lifetime ago now that we were married, but somehow the 11 days also felt like a lifetime. It didn't for my children, and that is good news. I certainly don't want them sitting around pining for me and our house and our life, and to be truthful, I didn't sit around pining either. Actually, my husband and I went on a trip of our own, but the rhythm of time without children is different...

      "I certainly think my children have benefited from joint custody, in our case meaning that they might spend some nights at their father's house and some nights at ours in a given week, and we trade off for vacations and holidays...they have excellent relationships with everyone involved (and that's a big crowd, I can tell you).

      "Their father and I are amicable, and we have worked out the intricacies of having bicycles, and homework, and sports equipment in the right place at the right time. We attend teacher conferences together. We have resolved thorny issues involving religion and dentistry and Christmas dinner. I hope we are setting a good example for our children of how to relate to someone with whom you differ."  



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      Online Support for Men Going Through Divorce
      Don't feel isolated, frightened, confused or alone when going through your divorce.  Get the help and support you need without leaving your home at the Ottawa Divorce Forums

      SB 1482 Hearing Postponed in Face of Massive Opposition

      In the face of over 3,500 calls, letters and faxes opposing SB 1482, the hearing on the bill has been postponed from today to Tuesday, May 9. Thanks to all of your for your participation.

      The stated reason for the postponement is that the committee is working on fiscal matters right now, and SB 1482 isn't fiscal. It is possible that this is what happened. However, as I noted in last week's action alert, the bill's backers made a sweeping, last minute amendment to the bill in order to slip it through before opponents had a chance to organize. Now that there is great opposition, it is also possible that the bill's author realizes that this won't be easy and is delaying in order to marshal her forces. It is also possible that she is backing away from the bill, or is going to amend it to make it less objectionable. We will keep you informed. To donate to help our campaign, click here.

      As I noted in my action alert NEW CAMPAIGN: Move-Away Bill Will Harm Children of Divorce (April 18, 2006):

      "Under SB 1482...a parent seeking to block a move is specifically prohibited from citing most of the evidence that could provide a basis for restraining the move. Nonmoving parents are prevented from citing the move's impact on their children's relationships with them or the effects of the children losing their schools and friends. This directly abrogates current California case law which says that the children's relationship with their nonmoving parent must be considered when deciding a relocation case.

      "SB 1482 is an attempt by the extremist Coalition for Family Equity and misguided feminists to reverse the progress made on behalf of California's children of divorce over the past two years. From 1996 to 2004 move-away determinations were based on the Burgess decision, which was interpreted by California courts as conferring unlimited move-away privileges. Under Burgess the bonds between tens of thousands of children and their noncustodial parents were needlessly ruptured.

      "The California Supreme Court addressed the problem in the LaMusga decision in April, 2004 by making it clear that courts can prevent children from being moved when it is detrimental to their interests. Among the factors deemed important were the relationship between the child and the nonmoving parent.

      "In the summer of 2004ornia, introduced SBh would have granted custodial parents an almost unlimited right to move children far way from their noncustodial parents.

      "We organized opposition to SB 730, and thousands of you wrote and called Sacramento to oppose the bill. Our campaign gained widespread media attention and was endorsed by numerous mental health and family law professionals. Burton surprised Sacramento insiders by withdrawing the bill a few weeks later...

      "California family law has a huge influence on other states, and parents all over the United States have a large stake in what happens here. I hear every day from devastated parents who lost their children in the aftermath of the misguided Burgess decision. I often hear from parents whose relationships with their children were saved by the LaMusga decision.

      "The Alliance for Children Concerned About Move-Aways, which we originally formed to defeat SB 730, is working with the California Alliance for Families and Children to defeat SB 1482."

      Glenn Discusses SB 1482 on Generation Conexion

      I discussed SB 1482, the new California bill which will make it easier for custodial parents to move children away from noncustodial parents, on Generation Conexion on Wednesday, April 26 at 6 PM on the Spanish language station KHPY AM 1670 in Riverside.

      Dads, Learn to Take Charge of Your Case in Family Court
      Go to to take a comprehensive ONLINE course that teaches you how to handle your case - with or without a lawyer. Learn to Fight for your rights and your children -all for one-hour of a lawyer's fees. Learn to tell public about the tyranny that fathers face in these courts: Reason for Revolution: The Tyranny Against Fathers, Family, and Freedom.

      Has Your Career Been Impacted by Custody Issues?
      After empowering people's careers for over 20 year, I was duly initiated into family law just like you--through a 30 month, $520,000 custody suit.  I learned that a solid home-based business could be the best option, allowing one to shake the financial shackles while still experiencing a "no limits" career.  More than ever, our kids now need a free and available parent.  Be there for them... and for yourself.  Darrell W. Gurney, 

      New York Shared Parenting Bill Held

      In a disappointing though not surprising vote, the New York Assembly Committee on Children & Families voted today to hold over A330, the New York Shared Parenting Bill. Four committee members voted in favor of the bill (see below), and the rest voted to hold, citing concerns about alleged technical issues or flaws in the bill.

      This bill has been locked up in committee for 12 years. Jim Hays, president of Coalition of Fathers and Families New York, who sponsored the bill, told me that with the four "yes" votes and all the media attention, this is the closest they've ever come to getting it out of committee. He has asked me to tell you that it was the 8,000 calls, letters and faxes you generated which helped bring it this close, and to thank you.

      These events show just how entrenched the interests we oppose are. After we launched the campaign in support of A330, the National Organization for Women and Stop Family Violence counterattacked, both launching action alerts and campaigns against the bill. Yet our numbers dwarfed theirs.

      It's very hard to get publicity for bills that have not yet passed out of committee, yet a pitched battle over this bill was fought in the pages of the Albany Times Union, the liberal, pro-feminist newspaper in New York's capital. This included: a mismatched debate over the bill on the op-ed page (see Family law proposes to keep bonds strong by Mike McCormick and I and Joint custody bill not in child's interest by NOW's Marcia Pappas, 3/28/06);  a surprising endorsement of shared parenting by the Times Union in their editorial Custody challenges: It's time New York embraced the concept of shared parenting (4/11/06); two news articles; and a score of letters to the editor, including one from Pappas whining that the Times Union had dared to stop following the NOW party line on this issue.  

      The Times Union was fair and allowed both sides to be heard, which is all I ever ask a newspaper to do. The battle quickly became very lopsided, with the feminists reduced to babbling "domestic violence, domestic violence" over and over again in trying to scare legislators away from voting for A330.

      The Assemblymemebers voting in favor of the bill were Ruben Diaz Jr., Karim Camara, Michael Benjamin and Vincent Ignizio. I suggest you send them an email thanking them for their support by clicking here.

      Hays says the Coalition of Fathers and Families New York will bring the bill back next year.

      'Convicted Felons Had More Rights than My Dad' Says Woman Who Supports A330

      A woman who joined our campaign in support of A330, the New York Shared Parenting Bill, wrote the following letter to the New York Assembly Committee on Children & Families:

      "I'm the mother of 3 boys as well as stepmother to 3 more children. When I was 9, my parents divorced.  The man I so admired, my dad, was treated so low class that he was unable to have any say at all about his children.  Convicted felons had more rights and control over their lives than my dad was afforded when it came to his children.

      "My dad was a very active parent before the divorce.  So active, that I completely credit him for giving me the tools I needed to make me a good person and the tools to raise my own children.  I actively saw my mother literally play act the victim.  I guess she thought we wouldn't remember what she did to actively hurt him any way that she could.

      "And she could, thanks to the state and their lack of a system that would at least allow my dad to have say over the children he helped bring into the world. When I separated from my 1st husband, we agreed, without court involvement, how to finish raising our children...We also forced ourselves to maintain an open door policy. If my sons wanted to be with their father...they called him and vice versa...

      "Growing up with divorced parents back in the 70's meant that you usually befriended others that were in the same situation.  I think I had only two friends out of all of my friends in Saratoga that actually still saw their dads.  As for the reason why, all you had to do was see how the mothers made it nearly impossible for the children to see their dads without emotional trauma, scenes, etc... 

      "It was ugly then and it is ugly one parent should have so much control. If shared parenting can give both the say they deserve, our next generations will be much healthier."

      The Secrets of Happily Married Men
      How can a man achieve a long and happy marriage? If you've been checking out  advice columns or seeing a therapist, you may have been looking in the wrong place. Despite all the advances in brain technology, and all of that we have learned about developmental psychology--men and women are given the same advice about solving problems. But when we ask men what works for them, we hear a different story.

      How Does Sex Discrimination Affect Men and Boys?
      The National Coalition of Free Men is a non-profit educational & civil rights organization that looks at the ways sex discrimination affects men and boys. NCFM helps provide men a unified voice on important political and social issues.

      A Myth About Dads as Primary Caregivers

      I heard part of a radio interview with anti-feminist writer Caitlin Flanagan this morning while driving my kids to school. The host asked Flanagan about stay at home dads or dads as primary caregivers. Flanagan was positive and supportive of this, but put it in terms of "when mom earns more, this makes sense," or "if mom's job is more important or demanding, it's good that dads pick up the slack" (not exact quotes).

      The host agreed with Flanagan. What Flanagan says is true, but both Flanagan and the radio host missed the most important aspect of dads as primary caregivers--sometimes they're the parent who's better at it. In other cases, they may not be better at it, but they might be happier or more suited to it. Or they may appreciate the experience more than the mother does, because the dad never expected to have the opportunity.

      As the primary caregiver for my kids for the past eight years, I find it mildly annoying that it is so often couched in terms of being an economic mediocrity. I'm the primary caregiver because that's what's best for my family.

      I've discussed the issue of stay at home dads in several columns, including Father Care: The Other Child Care Option (W. New York Family Magazine, 6/01).

      In Defense of R. Mark Rogers

      According to the article Economist wants back in bidding: Child-support study in limbo since January (Concord Monitor, 4/23/06):

      "A Georgia economist once jailed for failure to pay child support said he's 'absolutely' still interested in getting the contract to advise New Hampshire officials on child-support guidelines. He also wants to clear his name.

      "The state's child-support system is based on a percentage of parental income, but lawmakers want to rewrite the guidelines to base them on the cost of raising a child. They passed a bill last year approving the money to hire an economist to determine that cost, and Health and Human Services Commissioner John Stephen recommended R. Mark Rogers for the $200,000 contract.

      "Gov. John Lynch thought the bid-evaluation process might have been unfairly weighted to Rogers over Policy Studies Inc., the Colorado firm that also bid on the contract. After he learned about Rogers's legal history from the media in January, Lynch stopped the contract from being placed on the Executive Council agenda and asked Attorney General Kelly Ayotte to investigate.

      "Ayotte, who returned her report earlier this month, said the process 'undermined public confidence' and that the bidding should be reopened. Lynch agreed with the recommendation and...also made it clear he does not want Stephen to recommend Rogers again: 'I don't think he should even be allowed to bid on it,' Lynch said.

      "Rogers told the Monitor last week that he hopes to still be considered for the contract...

      "Rogers said his economics background speaks for itself, with a 'very strong ethic of objectivity,' and should be the only thing considered. He spent 19 years with the Federal Reserve, authored an economics handbook published by McGraw-Hill and served on the Georgia Commission on Child Support. He also partnered with a UNH professor in making his proposal to the state.

      "On the other hand, Rogers advocates for reducing guidelines and has served as an expert witness for noncustodial parents who wish to pay less in child support. A divorced father, he was jailed for two weeks in the mid-1990s after failing to pay more than $7,000 in child support. He said he suffered a financial downturn, filed for bankruptcy and set up a back-payment system to his ex-wife through bankruptcy court.

      "A superior court judge thought the move was a ploy and found him in contempt. Rogers waited in county jail until his mother cashed in her retirement fund to bail him out, he said."

      A few comments:

      1) I don't know whether Rogers is telling the truth about his jailing for non-payment of child support in the mid-90's, but it certainly sounds credible. I hear from fathers all the time who have jailed or punished by judges for failing to pay sums they could not pay. It is very common for men to suffer financial downturns and then be treated as if it's just some kind of scam to get out of child support.

      2) Rogers was never tried and convicted--the basis for him being a so-called "deadbeat dad" rests on the opinion of one judge. The judge may have been right, but it's not the same as being a convicted criminal.

      3) Even if Rogers were a convicted criminal, and even if he really were guilty, he probably still would not have been stripped of the child support contract. There is such a thing as paying one's debts to society and moving on.

      Rogers appeared on His Side with Glenn Sacks to debate Debbie Kline, Executive Director of the Association for Children for the Enforcement of Support, a nationwide organization which advocates higher child support levels and tougher child support enforcement. According to Rogers, "Child support guidelines currently in use by the U.S. states typically generate awards that are three to four times what they should be if based on economically sound cost tables and on a true equal duty of support standard for both parents." 

      To listen to the show, go to Are Child Support Levels Too High? (12/12/04).

      Rogers made some good points but I didn't feel he proved his case that the awards are "three to four times what they should be." Of course I could have easily stacked the debate against Debbie so Rogers would have won, but I don't do that. Despite the flaws in Debbie's arguments, I think listening to that show gives one a good idea of why fathers get beat in child support debates in state legislatures.

      Legal Help for Fathers
      If you live in Los Angeles, Riverside or Orange counties and you're facing a divorce, separation, or a child custody issue, the law firm of Oddenino & Gaule can help.

      Congressional Candidate Takes Strong Stand for Noncustodial Parents' Rights
      In 2004 Libertarian presidential candidate Michael Badnarik had a strong noncustodial parents' rights platform.  Badnarik is clearly aware of and sensitive to the basic problems fathers today face, particularly the sole custody norm and the denigration of noncustodial parents to "second class parent" status. Badnarik is running for Congress in 2006--to learn more, go to

      College Campuses Are Hostile Environments for Young Men

      I've written many times about the anti-male hostility prevalent on our college campuses. In my column Why Males Don't Go to College (She Thinks, 11/13/02);  I noted:

      "...rampant anti-male feminism has made college campuses a place where many males feel unwanted and unwelcome. To use a feminist term, our universities have become 'hostile environments' for young men. To illustrate, let's look at one campus--the University of California at Los Angeles, 1999-2001.

      "Sensationalized lies about men--what dissident feminist Christina Hoff Sommers and others call 'Hate Statistics'--were an integral part of the campus culture. The Women's Resource Center (later renamed the Center for Women and Men), the Clothesline Project and others publicized discredited academic frauds like 'one in four college women has been the victim of rape or attempted rape' and 'domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women aged 15 to 44.'

      "Worse, such statistics were repeated ad infinitum and ad nauseam by the campus newspaper, the Daily Bruin, and also by both professors and students. The message behind the lies was clear--men are so powerful and despicable, and women are so helpless and victimized, that men had better not dare to complain about anything.

      "This hostile attitude towards males is manifest in the classroom as well..."

      One of my readers sent me a nice example of this last week. The reader wrote the University of Utah about their policy of having a women's week but not a men's week. In response, Leo Leckie, Executive Assistant to the Associate Vice President for Diversity of the University of Utah, wrote:

      "'Men's Week' is celebrated on this campus, in this city, this state, in this country and in the world 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year. The names on a vast majority of the buildings and named rooms and halls on our campus is but one of many examples that attest to the celebration of men. And there are indeed many, many offices and organizations on this campus that celebrate men daily.

      "Because of the historical and continued marginalization of women and people of color on our campus, in our state, and in our country, our office specifically continues the essential work of representing these marginalized groups. The Women's Week Celebration is precisely that, a celebration of women, and invites everyone to join in that celebration.

      "On a personal note, I am a white straight male, and as such I remind myself that I walk in the most privileged and empowered of spaces in this country. I remind myself that I have benefited from the country's oldest affirmative action program, and that my privilege is reinforced systemically every day. The challenge for me, as someone who occupies the highest rung on the ladder of power and privilege, is to remind myself that events that attempt to create awareness around issues of equity are about precisely that: equity."

      Of course I dispute Leckie's conviction that men are the privileged gender in the United States--men have some advantages, but they also have disadvantages, too. One of the things which annoys me about Leckie's letter is the way he equates the experiences and social positions of blacks and Latinos with those of middle class white women. Blacks and Latinos are disadvantaged groups, white middle class women are not. To write to Leckie, click here

      (A note about posting email addresses on my enewsletter. On numerous occasions people I've criticized on this enewsletter have been flooded with angry letters from my readers. However, I have never invaded a person's privacy. My policy is simple--if the email address is already available on the internet, I post it. If it is not, I assume it to be a private email address and I don't post it. Leckie's email posted on 138 internet web pages, so it's a public email address.)

      Leckie's "men have everything/women have nothing so who cares what issues men face" position reminds me a lot of Michael Moore. In my column Michael Moore, You Used to Be My Hero (Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star, 2/8/04 I noted:

      "Michael, you have betrayed those whose cause you once championed. Once the voice of the unappreciated working man, I have watched in amazement and dismay as you have degenerated into one of the all too common scourges of our society--the low rent man-basher who pours derision upon the last remaining politically correct target of bigotry: men."

      We've discussed the issue of (alleged) male privilege on His Side with Glenn Sacks  many times--some examples are: NOMAS Leader Michael Kimmel Criticizes Men's Movement (6/6/05); Are American Women Oppressed? (11/28/04); and Is the Men's Movement Misogynistic? (1/23/05).

      To learn more about how Woman's Studies have turned our universities into hostile environments for our young men, see my columns: Hate My Father? No Ma'am! (World Net Daily, 4/8/02); New Study Finds Myths, Misrepresentations in Women's Studies Textbooks (Cybercast News Service, 4/1/02); The Best Valentine's Day Gift for College Students: Gender Reconciliation (She Thinks, 2/13/03); and the His Side shows Poisoning Valentine's Day (2/1/04) and Former Women's Studies Professor Daphne Patai Slams Academic Feminism (7/6/03).

      File Taxes Online with  Professional Help allows you to file your taxes, check your refund status, and have your return reviewed by an experienced tax professional--all online.

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      Friend to Fathers and Children Passes Away

      I was recently informed by Dayle Kichula that Louise Malenfant, a friend to fathers and children of divorce, died earlier this month. I asked Dayle to write a eulogy for my readers, and this is what she wrote:

      "Louise Malenfant passed away peacefully in her home in Calgary, Alberta on April 2, 2006.  She was laid to rest in a quiet ceremony by family members and a few of her many friends on April 5, 2006.

      "Louise was the founder of Parents Helping Parents, a family advocacy program launched to assist parents falsely accused of abuse during divorce proceedings. She worked tirelessly to bring about change in the child welfare system in Manitoba and a few years ago moved to Alberta in hope of bringing about change to the bureaucracy here as she was successful doing in Manitoba.

      "She helped countless parents, the majority of which were fathers, to regain access to their children as well as to regain their reputations, both lost due to false allegations of abuse. Louise's dream was to initiate change in the system whereby it would be more difficult for spouses to lie about abuse in order to sever access by the other parent to their children. She crusaded for full and fair investigations by child welfare authorities as well as by law enforcement authorities.

      "Louise led and was the sole operator in the PHP organization. Losing her will be felt by many. It is this writer's hope that there will be someone to carry on and realize Louise's dream. 

      "Louise was often told that she was 'An Angel on Earth,' to which she would give a modest giggle and say 'If I don't do this, who will?' She provided a lifeline to all of her clients, at a time when all hope was lost. She would take control of the situation and in no time at all her clients would begin to see some light at the end of the tunnel.

      To our Angel on Earth

      Louise Marie Malenfant


      You have earned your heavenly wings now. You will be missed.

      God love your heart and rest your soul."

      Best Wishes,
      Glenn Sacks

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      DAD_Who_Knows - While I know there are awful women/mothers in this world, no woman can force a man to assist her in conceiving a child.


      Like my father should have, brothas should go and get themselves taken care of and stop producing unwanted children.  There is nothing like being a child knowing your father/mother did not want you and never showed any parent emotions towards you.


      While I applaude fathers (brothas) that are there for their children, I really should not have to applaude them, you are suppose to be there.  As a witness to the flock of misguided/unconscious men in my family who have done everything except being a father, I am not one who thinks highly of what you are saying.


      If you are doing what you are suppose to do then there is no reason for your argument.


      Personally, I would never want to take a man to court to force him to take care of his child.  Why should I have to do that?  Why do so many women/men have to force the other parent to take care of their child?  This should not be the case.  But as we all know, there is a high percentage of brothas who will not take care of their children.


      I never could understand how my father could go out and purchase Corvettes when he had two children or how he could purchase dope and spend time with other women and their children when he had three children, one he never did a thing for.


      I see men with beautiful children who will not spend time with these children.  The mother has not forced child support and he still will not do anything.  It's sad.  You speak on the minority, I speak on the majority.


      My mother should have never had to take my father to court.  She worked two jobs.  She was not the perfect mother, but she did the best she could with what she had.  If my father had been there with us, who knows where my brother and I could be today.


      It's so sad when brothas continue to use the excuse of not taking care of his children because of the White man.  The White man did not force you to be with this woman in the first place.


      There is a solution to this..........dont conceive, dont have sex, get yourself fixed or stay away from women.  Having sex = babies.



      Again... in your personal pain.. you blind yourself...


      Mama 'don't take daddy to court'... get real...

      the courts are designed especially to destroy the Black Family...


      I have sound reasons to share fathers' issues...

      their 'family, race, children issues...'


      in a gender biased racist system...

      a responsible dad is not allowed to effectively 'parent and care for his child...


      instead... he is to be the financial slave to the mother and the racist status quo.. called child support...


      as a man... who is not gay... I fell in love with a woman who pretend to be decent... so I was played...   it happens... I will not blame myself for doing what is natural... she was criminal ... and the system knows she was wrong... yet.. .too many Blacks defend the moms.. regardless to their greed... and many children.. .never get the insight truth... so they assume.. Dad just bailed... became irresponsible... often... to defend her lies.. moms refuse to allow Dad to be involved.. .and when she gets 'money'  she spends it on her boyfriends, like a whore.. prostitute, etc... and the children suffer... as she lies more and allege.. its Daddy's fault... in most cases.. when Dad got the bank.. the courts make sure Dad pays... if he has enough bank, restrained from the children, denied visits because that's what too many sick, insane Blacks moms beg of the racist gender bias courts, with their white female or male attorney partners in crime... using mom's false allegations as evidence of abuse Dad never did... why would any adult, not reflect on facts.. he deserves a life... until Blacks unite to prevent such 'internal race wrongs' why expect dad to live homeless... broke... lonely.. etc... When a dad neglects his children... I have no respect or defense of him... on the other hand... GET WISE...  the judges, clerks, attorneys, social workers, elected officials, court reporters, messengers, research clerks, deputies, law enforcement officers, family evaluators, child support courts, DAs, appeals courts, etc. all get paid, I mean PAID $$$$$$ by protecting and preserving, not the Black Family.. their corrupt 'family destruction system...'   Our Black Focus, as a solution.. is not to cease being 'straight... (I know many whites will praise your suggestion.. its perfect planned parenting.. to annihilate the Black Race...) its for us to unite to dismantle the system.. to have mediation funded instead of child support.. to have new laws to hold mothers as accountable as fathers to support the child... to have Dads empowered with equal parental freedom, rights and authority... to end the social cause of Black Family destruction...


      By giving wrong claim that only moms actually care and can parent our Children destroys the Village... the very concept of this encourages Dads to forget about efforting to 'win in court'.. why waste dollars flushing bank down the white toilet into white racists pockets... just to end up with restraining orders and mere visitation at the mother's discretion.. when mom wants to act a fool and hurt dad.. all she needs to do is tell a new lie.. disrupt a visit.. knowing.. its dad and the children who will suffer, be separated.. etc...


      It would be great.. if sick moms who make false allegations, beat their children, exploit their children.. dominate the family for their selfish personal gain... could be immediately and easily identified... I think.. in many cases... its comes out... as they 'grow' more out of the shadow of their single mom and become 'the sick single mom'.. .now praised by elected officials, social workers, judges, attorneys, others... as the ]super mom.. the dad and mom rolled into one.. the all in one parent... who is far better off to 'hate' the male.. both dad and sons.. (especially when sons get of age or look like dad -start showing manhood symptoms...ways).  This Blacks Super duper single parent.. gets big rewards today... total protection.. from the white system.. to defend her from the Black man.. to make certain.. he does not prevent her from making the children develop into the 'creatures' the racist system has mold their community, schools, welfare.. to make certain they become...


      or the solution is.. Black women must be honest.. marry the white cops.. the jewish big white brothers.. the white judges.. the white governors and presidents.. and actors... Black women must keep their legs closed and admit.. they accept the mental slavery and low image whites have etched on their minds... black women must confess.. .they are ashamed of being Black.. the Black Family.. that they have no interest in building or being a Black Family... they just want to be pawns of the racist system.. loved by the white corrupt system and protected by racist whites politics...  Then the Black man... will not be fooled, deceived, tricked or fallen by his efforts to be a Black Nation... Black Family.. Black Parent.. The Black Man will accept his doom, the reality of the state of the Black Race... the predictable coming of Blacks annihilation..


      What White America desire most.. is for the Black woman to blindly assume.. its the Black man's fault... this is the report white racist America tells the world.. the good for nothing Black womanizer.. the dead beat Black dad who cares nothing for his children... We who first multipled as Gods and Goddess and made the human race... We who populated the World.. We, who for our love for the Black Woman... made the mighiest nation of EArth!!!  The Black woman must look into the mirror of slavery and see her poltiical make up is suppressing her true Black Beautiful Spiirt and Truth.  The Black man can not be her protector and lover... when she so coldly, contantly and ruthlessly refuse him... sad... tragic.. and awful.. check the statistics... many Black men have accept these facts... they marry white women... they are gay... they have given up on the Black Woman...  and too many Black Women... try  to marry their children.. having sex with them.. hoping to make of their sons.. the man they can control... so she can be lord and master for the white man employment... and success... When the Black woman is just... going.. and coming... with a plan... unwilling to plan with the Black man.. to find solutions with the Black man.. to be focus on how to overcome with the Black man.. she dooms the race... and give promise to race self destruction!

      To end this pattern.. the Black Woman must redirect her hate... and target Blacks  mutual 'foe' the corrupt racist political system... that holds her to this day.. in bondage.



      Try a condom.